I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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