I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize