How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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