We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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