explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
