No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
