how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
