he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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