my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
