bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
