I can tuck mytits in my pants
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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