Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
