you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
