He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
