Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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