Please, let me fuck your mom
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize