My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
