Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
