we have officially lost it.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
