i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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