Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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