And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
