now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
