My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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