in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
