This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
