Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize