just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Everclear isn't food dammit
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize