This girl is more easily done than said...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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