I'm laying in your front yard are you home
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
