Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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