So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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