I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
