He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
