I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
In America we eat man semen.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
