Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
