I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
