Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize