Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
