I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
