I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
