You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Blood and glitter go together right?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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