We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
