Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
