Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
