Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
