I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
