Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
