God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
