Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
