No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
