I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
