No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
