Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize