Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
