I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
