i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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