Ambien. No doubt about it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
