Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize