I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
