just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
