If i come over, it means nothing
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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