just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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