everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
