one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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