he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
