can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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