god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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