I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
there is glitter all over my balls
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
