Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize