right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
