Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
