Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize