she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Randomize
