Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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