I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
