What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
