I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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