Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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