she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
