can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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