Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
