I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
