Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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