you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
