i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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