ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
