I hate all girls vehemently.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
