My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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