She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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