My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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