we have pet lesbian snakes
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize