did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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