Nicole vs. Life
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
