i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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