Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
