On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
