How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
