apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
