New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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