fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
