Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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