I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
