READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
