What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
